i like to be liked.

it's true. it should not come as any big surprise. most people like to be liked. but this fact is one of the most important and useful realizations i have come to since i began teaching. i can now share teacher philosophy that i will live by number five, which is really a caveat to number one and a culmination of numbers two and three. drum roll please... teacher philosophy that i will live by number five states that i will always make sure that my students are aware of how much i care about them so that they invest themselves in me, put their trust in me and refuse to disappoint me. this will only benefit them in class, and hopefully in life.

this is my primary and most successful approach to classroom management. i know that the students do not have to like me in order to learn, but i also know that it makes it easier on both of us if they do, in fact, like me. i make sure to go out of my way to say kind words and share advice in order to let the students know that i care about their well being, both in and out of school. i will always smile at my students. i will always ask them about their days and nights and weekends. i will always tell them how much i enjoyed reading their papers, and begin my constructive criticism with a compliment. i will always tell them how proud of them i am, and how lucky i am to be their teacher. they will always know i love them. because if i like to be liked, and i most assuredly do, it is more than likely that they like to be liked too. it's a win-win situation really.

the fact that they know i care does nothing but make our classroom better, more efficient. the students understand that i am only there to help them, that i am teaching them for a reason. they know i respect them, and in turn, they respect me. they listen when i speak. they take notes when i ask them to. they quiet down when i tell them it's time to learn. they do it for me, because i know what is best for them. i'm not saying that this technique is 100% effective, but i am saying that it works a lot of the time. there is nothing wrong with having positive relationships with your students, and if that morphs itself into a successful classroom, you really have succeeded in many, many more ways than just being able to spout curriculum without interuption.

but what does ms. quick matter? why should her opinion of these 15 year olds matter? i remember being a student, from pre-school all the way through college. i remember truly believing that my teachers knew everything and that they were the only people that i could learn something from. they were the experts on math and science and history and english, and i needed to catch every word they said. i respected them for graduating from college with a degree in education in order to fill me in on what i needed to understand about the world. i don't think it's any different for my own students. i am the one who sets the tone, who has the information to dispel upon them. if they want to learn, they can only do so through me. and so, i matter at least a little bit. couple that with my intense devotion to my students and their every day struggles and triumphs, and i matter a lot. my mom always tells me of a teacher that she worked with when she mentored an elementary school student. that woman could discipline a child with one hand while stroking their cheek with the other. she mattered to that student, and all her students. she was taken seriously because she was a force to be reckoned with and she had a compassionate soul.

i strive to be like that teacher. discipline is not my forte, though. at least not in the traditional yelling and sending kids out sense. i struggle internally every time a student acts out in class. do i kick him out in order to minimize the other students' distractions (and my own), or do i let him remain in order for him to gain something from today? and what if this happens with the same student EVERY DAY?! i don't know. i very much don't know.

i have one student who this is true for. he is becoming both my biggest accomplishment and my biggest failure. since the second day of class, this individual managed to have himself kicked out of class every day. i have not done any of the kicking out. my co-teacher is go-to-man for discipline. "get out" are his magic words. i finally decided that every day, i would follow this student out into the hallway. i would ask him what was going on inside his head. i would attempt to teach him the material he was missing out on. i would give him opportunities to still receive credit. i would actually get to know him. i would let him know that i respect him, and though he didn't have to like me, i would appreciate his respect in return. especially in front of his classmates. this is why, one day, when he yawned as i was speaking in front of the class, i was so hurt. or at least i was able to act so hurt. when the other students were dismissed for lunch that day, i asked him to stay behind for a moment. immediately, he apologized for yawning and said it was not out of disrespect. i told him that though it may not have been meant to intentionally disrespect me, he still succeeded in doing so. i let him know that i cared about him and his success in this class immensely, and i hoped he would care about his own success just as much. i told him that i was disappointed in his actions, especially after the talk we had had previously. at the end of our conversation, he looked like a wounded puppy. the fact that i was disappointed made him feel bad. he did not act up the rest of class. he has, however, been kicked out on several more occasions since that day. not by me, of course, but even still, i went out into the hallway each time. i asked him questions about his interests. i told him about my experiences with college and sports, and spouted off any knowledge i had about the things he liked. i worked with him on the topics covered inside the classroom so he could receive credit. i constantly reinforced the idea that i care about him, and i want him to do well. i still asked him why he acted so disruptive in the classroom, and he told me he didn't know what was wrong with him. he just acts a fool when he gets in front of other students. he wants to be everyone's favorite. he knows he is hurting himself by missing out on instruction. he is failing all of his classes. all of his teachers hate him. no, i tell him, that's not true. i am your teacher and i could never hate you. we will make sure you pass, together.

it's so cliche. it's so hokey. but it's so true. i have another student, same age, who has struggled for a very long time with managing his anger. he has attempted to teach himself that he cannot fight because if he were to begin to fight, he would not stop. he is a trained boxer, and he knows that he would not be able to control his rage or his ability. i told him immediately that i am proud of him for how aware he is of his problem, and how i know that he will handle any situation correctly if it should present itself. on thursday of last week, that situation did present itself. another student taunted him continuously and relentlessly about a failing mark he received. he sat and took it for awhile, but then he started to let loose. he stood up and began to yell, he shouted obsceneties and threats at the other student. he kicked a chair. but he did not put his hands on that other student. as soon as i heard about what happened, i congratulated him. i know how hard it was for him to keep his hands to himself, but he did it, and he is a better person for it. the next day, he came to me upset. he told me that despite the fact that he had successfully not fought that other student, he still received a discipline referral, a mandatory referral to anger management classes and was reamed out by his mother all night long. he asked me, "why didn't i just beat him up? why didn't i just do it? the same things would have happened to me! i still would have been in trouble!" i told him he was right not have beaten him. he would have received 10 days suspension from school. he would have missed out on important material from his classes. he is a good person for not having resorted to violence, and i am proud of him still. the classes on how to manage his anger will do nothing but continue to reinforce his good behavior. he didn't feel better immediately after our conversation. but he did know that i continued to care about him, and in the end, the school is only doing its duty to improve him and his life, not to hurt him.

i last wrote about my first 2 weeks of school. i wrote about students, and one in particular, who called me "the assistant" and heckled me non-stop. i would like to make an addendum to those statements. that one student who was so cruel to me, and then told me we were cool, told me last week that i was his favorite teacher. well, he didn't tell me actually. i was standing outside of my classroom before classes started and he was walking by with a friend. he came up to me and said good morning, shook my hand, gave me a side hug. he went back to his friend, tugged his t-shirt and made him look back. he said, "yo man, that's my favorite teacher right there. that's ms. quick." it was a magical moment. i worked hard to win him over, especially because of the way our relationship began that first week of school. i praised his poetry and edited his papers. i told him to have a good weekend and i waved to him at the football games. it's amazing. caring endlessly and tirelessly about these students truly is magical. it makes even the most improbable of dreams, like winning over a room full of jaded 15 year olds, a possible reality.

i love these kids. i LOVE them. that is why my heart breaks when i hear about their own heartbreaks. the student who refused to fight was arrested when he was in middle school, and kicked out for his behavior. i don't know what his behavior was, but it was bad. he was given a choice: return to high school when you are of age or go to jail. he went back to school. thank god. his father is jail for involvement with drug sales and other dangerous crimes. he does not get along with his mother, his only relative available to him. in my english III class, we read longfellow's poem of grief over the loss of his second wife. as a closing activity for the week, we had our students write their own poems of grief. one student wrote about his father who abandoned him and his family, never to know his son who would grow up to be a very respectable young man. one student wrote about the death of his mother. another student wrote about the mother who left his life as soon as he was born to take part in a life of drugs instead of a life of motherhood. after 17 years, she is only now trying to rekindle a relationship with the amazing son she left behind. these students have suffered so much. another student lost his 7 year old sister to cancer because she was not able to receive medical attention in time for a proper and prudent diagnosis. yet all of them get out of bed every day and come to school. they do the best they can to learn, for themselves and for teachers like me. for that time, they are just students whose job it is to soak up knowledge. and at the end of the day, they go home. back to the difficult reality of their own lives.

it broke my heart over and over again. when my students read these poems, i cried. i sat in the back of the room, and i cried. they don't have to be there, but they want to be. i need to remember that each day as i drive to school. i am driving there to serve a purpose. i need to make learning relevant and worthwhile for them. i need to let them into my heart and make them feel comfortable in my presence. as helpful as it is for me to have them like me, it is even more important that they know i like them. i like them for who they are and who they can become. not only do i like them for those reasons, but i love them for those reasons. teacher philosophy that i will live by number six is really quite obvious, and is merely reminiscent of previous statements i have made. teacher philosophy i will live by number six is a reminder to myself that teaching is not about me, it is about my students. they are the ones who need the information i have, and i am merely the vessel through which they are going to receive it. i have a purpose, and that purpose is to serve them. i cannot forget that.