one person really can make a difference.

the old adage is true: one person really and truly can make a difference. i learned this the hard way today. one of my students failed his core academy class, which means that he does not meet the continuation requirements to stay at our school, which means that he will be sent back to his home school, which means he will get even more lost in the shuffle, which means he will get himself into more trouble, which means he will fall more behind, which means he's a million times more likely to drop out, which means he's much less likely to make something of his life. this one child has made me feel sick to my stomach because it's as if i have failed him. did i not stress the importance of school work enough? did i not push him hard enough? did i not get on him for being lazy enough? did i not come across as enough of an authority figure? did i talk to him about things unrelated to school too much?

ultimately, it was his responsibility to pass his construction class. it's his education and he needs to choose whether or not to obtain it. i've already graduated from high school. he clearly needs a kick in the pants to get him to do anything. but he spends more of his time complaining about being 'bored' than he does trying to make anything of himself academically. it's so frustrating to me. and it's even more frustrating to me that i didn't do enough about it at the time. i found out when it was already too late and he's already failed the class. this one student has got my stomach all tied up in knots. one student. i come across failing grades every day, and it doesn't make me feel this way. hell, i give out failing grades nearly every day and it doesn't make me feel this way. why this one time? why this one student?

the students got their first semester report cards today, which is what has caused this mess of emotions i'm experiencing. i am blown away by the fact that students really and truly believe that grades just magically fall from the sky and land on their report card. like they've just appeared out of nowhere and the students have done nothing to conjure them up. what?! seriously?! i don't care how hard it is to calculate percentages and averages and all that crap; if you consistently receive bad grades on assignments, and consistently fail to turn in assignments, how can you honestly expect anything more than a failing grade in that class? i mean, really. teachers don't give out grades like candy and they don't just put something on paper to make their students upset. they don't want those kids back in their classroom the following semester or school year, so they want to pass them if they can! students earn their grades, good or bad. for goodness sake! i don't get it when students get all nervous before report cards, worrying what it's going to say. you should know what it's going to say because you know better than anyone else what your grades were like all semester. gah!

the one thing in the world that i cannot stand is when people make excuses for themselves. i have one student who has a different excuse every single day for why he doesn't have his work done, or why he can't participate, or why he doesn't know how to do the assignment, or any other possible scenario that could potentially come up. don't worry, this kid thinks he knows how to get out of it. child, you have no idea. but the thing is, it's not just this one child. it's not just children in general. it's everyone. when did it become ok to make excuses for ourselves in order to pretend like what we've done or not done is fine? i don't mean to paint a picture of myself as any kind of saint, because i am clearly not, but i grew up in a so-called broken home. we didn't have any money. and yet somehow i never got into trouble, i earned good grades, i got enough sleep at night, i listened to adults. i didn't make excuses for myself, though other people might have expected me to, or let me get away with things. it's ridiculous that this kid lives in a world where he has come to believe that he'll really get away with this. no, kid, with me as your teacher. today he was drawing on his notebook instead of doing work, and when i prompted him to get to the assignment he told me he was "still contemplating it." i took his notebook and told him that i'd remove his distraction so he could stop "contemplating" and get right to work. he then had the excuse to not do work of me having his notebook. clearly he can't do his work (that was on a separate piece of paper) without his notebook! how dare i! umm, no. sorry. you will not win this battle in my classroom. what is it? rule # 76: no excuses. play like a champion. WORD.

i think the reason that i am upset about that one student so much is because i know that i care more than he does. i am way more concerned about him receiving a high school diploma, and good grades all the way through high school, than he might ever be. but how do you teach that? how do you teach someone to be intrinsically motivated? no one taught me to want to get good grades or to want to get into a good college, i just wanted those things for myself. i don't know how to convey this type of message and that has got me all the more frustrated. i don't know how to explain to him what his responsibility as a student is and how he needs to step up to the plate. i'm afraid he'll continue to just be 'bored' all the time and really just let his education go down the tubes. i'm very, very afraid about what all of this could mean. and just for this one person.