5-year plan.

my first actual summer vacation as a teacher (and since junior high, i might add) has come to a close. school is starting up again and i'm both relishing and dreading the idea of having to go back and face the children. all things told, i am a year older and about 10 years wiser than i was last year. i know the inner-workings of the school and have established a rapport with many of the students. when someone asks me for directions on open house night, i'll actually know how to answer him. i know what ideas and attitudes i should continue with this year because of my successes last year, and i know what ideas and attitudes i need to forego immediately in order to more-than-just-survive this year. those are pretty good feelings. but i also have to start waking up at 5 am again, and dealing with student misbehaviors, and planning lesson after lesson, and everything else that comes with being a teacher. those aren't the awesomest of feelings. boo.

the mere fact that i will have built a reputation amongst the students and staff at my school is thrilling. instead of being a new face to mess with, i will be an old face to be wary of. hopefully. my understanding, based on the experience of my older colleagues, year 2 will be a million times easier than year 1 based on that fact alone. i actually know what i'm getting myself into this time around, and i think that will help immensely. considering the way my first year of teaching ended, with a big fight and a student telling me to shut up and the threat of water balloons and saying no to everything and just plain wanting the kids out of my face and out of the building, i am banking on being able to go back into school this year and be much firmer and more professional. i've said this a million times already.. but it's really not going to be about the students liking me, it's going to be about them respecting me. i have to toe that line much better than i did last year. i don't need to be the cool teacher in order to be the successful teacher. period.

i have been having a horrible time trying to sleep these past few nights. teacher work days started on monday, and my sleeping troubles started sunday night. coincidence? probably not. i suppose i'm having some anxiety about waking up at 5 am and seeing some of the most obnoxious of student faces come august 25th, and that manifested itself in my dreams last night. i had a terrible nightmare about how my 11th grade english class played out - i had to miss the first day of classes to deal with problems elsewhere, and when i did go the next day the students were wreaking havoc in the classroom without my co-teacher saying a word to them. then, in my dream, i got cursed out and sexually harassed and physically assaulted and everything else. i stayed firm in my dream, but that didn't make it any more fun to see my co-teacher having a picnic with his family in the corner of the room while all of this was going on. i woke up pissed off, to say the least. i know for sure that my 11th grade class will not (CANNOT!) be that bad, but it just does not make me any more enthusiastic about heading back into the classroom. ugh.

despite my hesitance to throw my hands up and shout with excitement about the start of a new school year, i'm actually planning on staying in this career, and specifically at my school, for quite awhile. i have a 5-year plan, if you will. year 1 down, and now just 4 to go. in these next 4 years, i want to get my teaching license and my masters degree in special education. i also want to inherit the position of department chair for the exceptional children's department. that's a lot to do in 4 years.. but that is what i want. a lot of people at my school expect this to be my last year because i will have fulfilled my teach for america commitment come june, but i don't feel like i can just leave after my 2 years. i owe more to my school, my students and myself. i need to 'continuously increase my effectiveness' as a teacher, as tfa would say. hopefully things will go smoothly enough to keep encouraging me to do just that.