when you come to a fork in the road, take it.

my two-year commitment to teach for america has come to an end. over. finished. done-zo. most of the people who are in my shoes realized that they were at a major crossroads in their lives months ago, and planned accordingly. as i write, they are packing boxes, driving cross-country in u-hauls, coming to terms with becoming students again themselves or starting new jobs. and here i am... still in charlotte... still planning to teach in my original TFA placement school... coming to terms with the fact that the majority of my social circle and support structure has up and left me. jerkfaces.

it's not that i don't want to continue to teach. i do. there's nothing else in the world that i'd rather be doing. my students, especially my seniors, confirmed this for me. i think i'm just feeling left behind. based on the brainwashing i have endured over the past 2+ years, TFA corps members are probably supposed to move on and up in order to effect change on a broader scale than in the classroom. a lot of my colleagues are doing just that. i'm not. in addition, the moment my seniors graduated it became more than likely that i will never see some of them again. hopefully they also will go on to do bigger and better things. i'll still be at berry, pushing and prodding my students to do their best. am i ashamed to be left behind? sad yes, but ashamed? never.

at the end of the school year, i came to realize the impact i had on my students personally, and maybe more importantly and permanently, the impact they had on me. on the last day of classes, my co-teacher and i stood in front of the class attempting to say our goodbyes. our fourth block class, full of seniors, had checked out long ago and wasn't entirely producing the response we wanted or expected. we both kind of gave up. i felt myself getting all choked up and had to move to the back of the room to compose myself. needless to say, i couldn't. i was overcome with pride and disappointment, joy and grief all at the same time. as soon as the tears started to fall, one of my students came over to give me a hug and realized what was going on. "ms. quick, are you crying? yo everybody, ms. quick is crying!" at that point, the class crowded around and gave me a group hug to try and make me feel better. it made me cry even more, but i appreciated the sentiment more than they will ever know.

because i wasn't able to say everything i would have liked to in those closing moments, i wrote the following letter to the class in order to express my love and admiration for them:

To my favorite students,

I didn't get the chance to say everything I wanted to yesterday, and since I might not see you today, I wanted to make sure I shared my thoughts with you before it was too late. It's probably better this way since I'm terrible at emotional goodbyes, and this is obviously an emotional goodbye for me, so here goes...

As I've already told all of you, I am so proud of everything you have accomplished over the past semester. Despite your numerical grade in this class, you and I both know how hard you have worked. You are not defined by the grade you earn on this final exam. You are defined by the effort you put forth throughout the semester and the amazing character you have shown. Even still, you should try your hardest this morning in order to show the world how smart you are and how hard you've worked.

I feel so honored to have been able to play a part in your successes, as well as your struggles. We all have some days that are better or worse than others, but we have gotten through them together this semester. I believe this is a testament to the bonds we've built. I've been thinking a lot about family lately, and I realized that you all are my family. I've spent more time with you in the past two years than I have spent with my own family in the past six years. I don't regret a moment of it.

You mean the world to me. Ms. Shadyac and I have invested a lot of time and energy into helping you in any way we can because you are worth it. You will always be worth my time and energy, and I hope you know that. In the future, please let me know when and how I can help you. I will be there at the drop of a hat.

Finally, thank you. Thank you for being your amazing, impressive and fabulous selves. Thank you for welcoming me into your hearts and minds. Thank you for letting us push you almost to your breaking points, and thank you for trusting that we knew what was best and that we had your best interests at heart.

With all my heart, I congratulate you on your accomplishments. I'll see you on the 12th!

Much love,
Ms. Lindsey Quick

i am so completely and utterly proud of those students. i know how hard most of them have worked in order to make it to their high school graduation. these are the students who helped me feel welcome and comfortable at berry academy during my first year of teaching. i am forever indebted to them. i also have to say, that i am proud of myself. first of all, this was the first emotional display i succumbed to in the past two years, and it wasn't something i was embarrassed by. i also know that i have worked harder in order to ensure the success of these students than i ever worked in order to ensure my own. i'm not attempting to be self-righteous, describing the sacrifices i've made for my students. i'm simply trying to say that i've come a long way in the past six years. i used to be entirely self-centered, motivated only by the potential for my own successes. my initial interest in teach for america only came about because of the prestige involved with being accepted. i don't even know that person any more. that's what i'm proud of.

at the end of my two-year commitment to teaching in one of the country's most under-served communities, i have come to a crossroads. i could return to school and pursue a professional degree. i could look for a more glamorous job in the private or public sector. i will do neither of those things. i will continue to teach because educational inequality is not a problem that can be solved in two years. i know that i cannot solve this problem alone, but i also know that i need to keep working to make a difference in the lives of students, and working on being a better person, until i am no longer useful at either of those things. i came to that proverbial fork in the road, and i decided to take it.