are we there yet?

there are only six teaching days left until winter break. six. too many to count on one hand, but still in the single digits. good deal. at this time last year, i had almost reached my breaking point mentally and physically. kicking and screaming and crying all the way, i returned to charlotte after thanksgiving to continue teaching for four more weeks until winter break. this year, the return to charlotte was much less painful. maybe it was because i'm more mature, or more comfortable with my life in charlotte, or the distance between my family and myself. maybe it's because there were only three weeks between that break, and our christmas break. either way, i was pretty proud of myself. when i returned to charlotte, i realized that i was not the only one counting down to our next vacation. as it turns out, so was every other teacher and every single student. teachers were ready to power through those three weeks, but students were ready to snooze through them. quite the dilemma.

a lot has happened in the past few months. i've taken over my first period class because my co-teacher has gone m.i.a. on medical leave. i have been verbally threatened by one of my students. i've been cursed out on several occasions. five or more students have been suspended from school because of their actions in one of my classes. i even made a kid cry. despite all of this, i don't feel all that bad. one of the greatest lessons i have learned thus far is to not take things students do personally. it's a very liberating philosophy. it does not entirely vindicate me of my professional responsibilities, of course. i still hold myself accountable for quality instruction and follow-up with my students. but their actions, or lack of actions, do not dictate my reaction.

many times i have hear the saying, "you can't let them see you sweat." it's so very true. students are psychological geniuses. maybe they're not always so hot on vocabulary quizzes, but they sure can figure out how to push their teachers' buttons. teaching is a perfect example of survival of the fittest - only the strong survive. and they survive by adapting to their environments. more specifically, they learn lessons the hard way and then know what not to do the next time around. last year, i would get frazzled in front of my students, and they would immediately pounce. this year, i wait quietly by until their finished acting foolish. i'm sure some day i'll actually figure out how to avoid the foolishness altogether, but we're talking baby steps here. i try not to raise my voice. i try not to become visibly frustrated or annoyed. i don't take failures to comply with academic or behavioral policies to heart. i just become disappointed. i'm disappointed my students don't always do the right thing, but i'll live and we'll move on to the next objective. disappointment is an emotion that i can wear outwardly without giving anything away that's going on inwardly. in addition, i know that in my own life, disappointment has been my greatest fear. i've always tried to stay on the straight and narrow because i didn't want to disappoint my mother. i don't know if it translates to my students' lives, but i'm hoping so.

the professional organization that i am affiliated with often talks about 'locus of control' - teacher actions dictate student actions. i'm sorry, but i don't see how my actions dictated a student telling me he would 'bust me in my grill.' i don't see how my actions caused one of my students to have 25 absences from my class this semester. i don't see how my actions invite kids to maintain a 34% average in my class. i can see how my lax attendance policy allows kids to come in late sometimes first period, and how my acceptance of late work for partial credit permits students to wait until the last minute to turn in assignments occasionally... but 23 absences? a 34% average? you have to TRY to do those things. those students are serious in their intent to fail, and who am i to stop them? my sarcasm doesn't demonstrate how often i've tried to turn things around for my students who fall into these categories - how many phone calls i've made to parents/guardians, how many make-up assignments i've sent home, how many one-on-one conversations i've had with my students, how many times i've told them how much i care about them and want them to achieve. i want ALL of my students to achieve, even if they want to bust me in my grill sometimes. i'm just not going to take responsibility for 100% of the battle. 50%, maybe even 75%, sure. but not the whole thing. if i do that, what lesson does it teach my students?

i also advise two extracurricular student organizations. this attitude applies outside of the classroom. i am the advisor for the relay for life club. relay for life is the american cancer society's signature event in order to raise money and community awareness for cancer research and the support of cancer patients and their families. this organization is extremely important to me. my grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, one of the deadliest forms of the disease. i am serious in my intent to raise money for this organization in order to help find a cure for cancer. the students i advise are not as serious. the club is more social than anything, and i can tell you that as of right now, we've accomplished next to nothing. the same can be said for the other student organization i co-advise with another teacher. lack of interest and effort on the behalf of the students is causing these organizations to not take off as they could, or even should. as much as i want to spearhead the efforts of both organizations in order to get things done, and do good things for the community, i have to take a step back. these are STUDENT organizations. they should be held accountable for their progress, or the lack thereof. there's no point in getting angry - the students aren't doing anything on purpose in this case. it's just disappointing. but once again, i'm going to wait it out. eventually everyone comes around, right? at least that's what i'll keep telling myself.